Gail Mote presented tips on how to talk with people you have disagreements with at a speech for Voices United April 15 at Whitey’s Bar and Grill.

At the start of the speech, she encouraged attendees to list things that make conversations impossible from both sides of the aisle. Name calling, violence, anger, whataboutism (changing the topic of the conversation) or being patronizing were some of the things noted.

“I’d recommend we all try to stick to the opposite of that behavior,” Mote said.

Mote said when you are getting ready to have a conversation with people you expect to be hard or disagreements with, the best piece of advice is to show up in the way you want the conversation to go.

“The goal of any conversation with someone we have political differences with is to find a way to better understand where they are coming from,” Mote said. “That doesn’t mean you’ll ever agree on the topic you’re discussing, but you’ll better understand the issue from their perspective.”

People also want to create a space that allows both to bring up a point of view safely and not be judged.

“Having compassion for the other speaker is important,” Mote said. “Again, your goal is to learn more about one another on this issue so you can better interact in the future.”

Mote said the important things to consider in those conversations is to keep the language more neutral, use “I” statements instead of more accusatory “you” statements in questions.

She also encourages people to come across with authenticity, speaking how you would normally speak and not just from a script.

As part of the conversation, participants should practice listening more than speaking.

“We’re not always right or have all the answers, and this type of communication is meant to get to knowing the other person’s viewpoints,” Mote said.

During the conversation, you can ask clarifying questions.

Knowing your reactions to statements and how you respond effectively is also important.

Typical reactions to confrontation include fight, flight or freeze.

“When ever you sense yourself doing some of those actions, take the time to as Jennifer Zach said – notice the behavior, name the behavior and navigate the response,” Mote said. “Take a few seconds to breath and calm down.”

Another suggestion was to have the conversations sitting down, so both of you are more apt to be less reactive, more measured in conversation.

“In a political argument, people have to feel understood more than facing a bunch of facts on a situation,” Mote said.

During question and answer period, Mote was asked how one reacts to messages of fear coming from those in power.

“The important thing is to start with your peers to make sure you both understand that is a message feeding on making people more fearful,” Mote said. “The power of the people is greater than the people in power.”

Mote said that at events like Stand Up Saturdays, some of the messages on posters are geared at getting under people’s skins a lot more.

An attendee noted that is the importance of a protest to begin with, is sparking those discussions, that the language is tailored for that event.

Mot said avoiding that type of rhetoric in conversations, especially if you want the conversation to remain civil.