As a kid, I always wondered why everybody called my dad “Rusty”. Unlike my older brother and me, he didn’t have red hair. He wasn’t old and creaky. It wasn’t until many years later that I discovered they called Dad “Rusty” because his jokes were so old.
Looking back, I don’t think Dad told the same jokes over and over because he didn’t know any other ones. He just had his favorites and enjoyed hearing himself tell them.
These days, “dad jokes” are a thing. We all pretend to hate them. We groan and cringe and beg them to stop. But deep down, we love them and we can’t help but tell them to others.
Recently, Fort Dodge realtor, Keenan Schuur published a book of dad jokes appropriately entitled, “My Dad’s Jokes”. “Originally,” he explained to KCRG, “it was something I was just going to do for the kids. Get one or two copies made for them. And I thought, ‘You know, let’s just see where it can go.’” The 28-page book is now available on Amazon for $13.95 and is currently ranked number 31,777 in popularity. But don’t let its low ranking fool you. The jokes really are that bad—which, being dad jokes, means “good”. For example, “What do you call a fish without an eye?” “A fsh.” (Hurts, doesn’t it?)
Okay, here’s another one. “Why was the math book sad?” “Because it was full of problems.” (You only have yourself to blame. Nobody’s making you read this.)
A quick check on the Internet turns up thousands of dad jokes. So here goes:
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?” “Because they’re so good at it.”
“What do you call a dog that can do magic?” “A Labracadabrador.”
“I asked my dog what’s two minus two? He said nothing.”
“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”
Patron: “Where are the books on paranoia?” Librarian: “THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!”
“Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”
“Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
“What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?” “Nacho cheese.”
“In a freak accident, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people he was photographing did try to warn him.”
“Did you remember to put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.”
“What is the invention that allows you to see through walls?” “Windows.”
“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”
“What do you call somebody with no body and no nose?” “Nobody knows.”
(Had enough?) Sure, dad jokes are juvenile, corny, unoriginal, often predictable and sometimes not even remotely funny. But they are a great equalizer. For a brief moment, dad jokes can turn anyone who hears them into a nine-year-old. (Okay, just one more.)
“My dentist offered me dentures for only one dollar. It sounded like a good deal at the time. But now I have buck teeth.”