As American democracy dissolves before our eyes and we seem to be on the verge of war with, uh, Canada, Iowa legislators turn their attention to the pressing matter of (I am not making this up) stopping people from controlling the weather. Last Thursday, Republicans introduced a bill, Document: HF 191 banning artificial manipulation of the weather. I find this sudden sense of urgency baff ling. Iowans are proud of our bad weather. It’s central to our identity. Why would we want to change that now?

Rep. Sam Wengryn of Pleasanton reports that he and his fellow Republican legislators have been inundated with phone calls and emails from constituents who are concerned about substances sprayed into the air by high-flying aircraft. Wengryn appears to be referring to the “chemtrail” conspiracy. This was a popular hoax in the late 1990’s, begun after the US Air Force published a report on weather modification, prompting late night radio talk show host Art Bell to launch the idea that aircraft contrails, those white puffy lines in the sky which dissipated more slowly than normal are the result of mysterious substances sprayed by the US government. The conspiracy theory contended that the chemtrails contained chemical or biological agents designed for mind control or weather manipulation. It turned out to be complete nonsense.

Edward Snowden, a former CIA employee and whistleblower was determined to get to the bottom of the chemtrail scare. After exhaustive research, Snowden appeared on “The Joe Rogan Experience.” He told Rogan, “In case you were wondering, chemtrails are not a thing.” They are nothing but normal contrails, made up of frozen water vapor and a little soot. (Does that sound like a CIA coverup?)

While Iowa Republicans are trying to ban weather manipulation, Democrats like, Ken Croken of Davenport, argue that this technology could be used for good. “There may come a time very soon,” he said, “if drought conditions in Iowa continue to worsen, when agricultural interests might choose to seed the clouds to produce rain.” Are these guys crazy? Are they drinking their bathwater? Humans can’t change the weather. (We have changed the climate—but that’s a different matter.)

Cloud seeding, aerial spraying of silver iodide, can increase the chance of precipitation by about 10 percent but only under certain conditions when the clouds are already saturated and are especially cold. Cloud seeding cannot squeeze rain out of a clear blue sky—or even out of relatively dry clouds. Rainmaking is a fantasy. If rainmaking worked, there would be no droughts. Geez!

Sadly, rain dances, firing cannons into the air, prayers or animal sacrifice have all proven ineffective in altering the weather. Once Donald Trump even proposed using nuclear bombs to disrupt hurricanes. But as impressive as we think nukes are, this would be like trying to stop a blizzard with a sneeze.

It’s tough to admit, but, against the majestic power of Nature, human efforts are puny, even comical. And when Iowa Republicans dream up legislation, permitting weather to do what it wants, it must make Mother Nature smile.