Now that the countdown to Christmas has begun, can we all agree that the whole Elf on a Shelf thing is a little creepy?
First of all, here’s some background information: The Elf on a Shelf: A Christmas Tradition was written by Carol Aebersold and her twin daughters, Chanda Bell and Christa Pitts in 2004. (Can you call it a “tradition” if you just made it all up?) Anyway, the story is that Scout elves come down from the North Pole every year throughout the month of December until Christmas for the purpose of checking to see if children are “naughty or nice” and report back to Santa for the final moral judgement and presumably distribution of presents or not as the case may be.
Each day, the elf sits somewhere in the house, watching and waiting until the children go to bed—at which time it flies to the North Pole to report. And, each morning, the elf comes back to a new place in the home, perhaps frozen in the act of baking cookies, doing aerobics or reading a tiny book. This all seems innocent enough. But is it?
Jay Stanley, senior analyst for the American Civil Liberties Union, suggests to the New York Times that the Elf on a Shelf tradition could be “normalizing the idea of surveillance by authorities”. Stanley goes on to say, “Personally, I consider success as a parent to be teaching my kids to do the right thing even when nobody is watching, whether they be from the North Pole or anywhere else.”
According to the Elf on a Shelf book, kids are encouraged to tell the little spy elf their inner most secrets. “Elves are great listeners” they tell us. (Yeah, and they act like your friend!) There is only one serious sin in dealing with your elf—DON’T TOUCH IT! If you touch your elf, it could catch your human cooties and lose its “magic”. Then the infected elf will have to undergo emergency treatment. First, the child will have to write a letter of apology to Santa, explaining the circumstance of the crime. Then, sprinkle some cinnamon next to the elf—which is like medicine. And, the whole family can sing a Christmas carol. Only then will your elf get its magic back. Don’t worry if it feels like you just participated in a pagan ritual. It’s Christmas.
The whole Elf on a Shelf mythology is incredibly detailed. How many languages do elves know? (6,000) How old are elves? (1,000 years old!). How long can they sit still? What is Santa’s favorite food? (Spaghetti and meat balls. Santa eats meat?!) How much mail do elves have to sort? Apparently, children love to learn the minute details of elf lore. But if they are so thirsty for knowledge, why not send them to math camp where they learn about quantum mechanics?
Elf on a Shelf is big business. More than 12 million have been sold—I mean “adopted”. One of these little informers with a pointy hat will run you about fifty bucks. Or you could opt for a “Snoop on a Stoop” elf that looks like the rapper, Snoop Dog, complete with sunglasses and a gold chain, smoking a cigarette. All for only $15.98. And your secrets are safe with Snoop. He’s not talking to the cops.