The city of Council Bluffs just hired 55 seasonal workers and all they do is eat. They also smell bad and make gross noises and are always butting heads. And what else would you expect…from goats?
It was a smart business decision. Council Bluffs has four acres of wild vegetation on the Riverfront at Tom Hanafan River’s Edge Park. Much of it would be difficult to reach with mowers and is even hard to climb. Ideal for goats. Having goats take care of the weeds will cost half of what the city would pay a contractor. Plus, there is no need for chemical herbicides or loud gas-guzzling mowers and weed trimmers, spewing noxious fumes and CO2. It is estimated that the herd will have the park cleaned up in two or three weeks. Unlike human employees, goats don’t require a lot of supervision—just turn them loose and they do their job automatically. Like vegetarian Roombas.
Goats are voracious, eating about four percent of their own body weight in a day. They will eat grass, but only after they’re done with the weeds. They love thistle, garlic mustard, multiflora rose, ragweed, mulberry and even poison ivy (but be warned: poison ivy goat milk can make you itch in places you can’t scratch.)
People who have goats absolutely love them. It is said that 10,000 years ago, goats became the first domesticated livestock. Goats can be trained to come when you call their name. They like to be petted and taken for walks on a leash. But goats are not dogs. They think for themselves and can be impulsive and rambunctious. They’ll chew on your clothes or your hair and head-butt you from behind just for the fun of it.
Goats love a good book. Also, cardboard, junk mail and fourth-graders’ homework. They don’t actually eat tin cans—just the paper labels. Goats drink a lot of water but they hate to get wet and will leap over streams or puddles rather than step in them. Goat eyes have eerie-looking rectangular pupils which has contributed to their undeserved reputation as satanic. Goats are not only intelligent but affectionate. And if you’re thinking about having a goat mow your yard, you better get two because goats are highly sociable and will become depressed on their own. There could be nothing sadder than a lonesome goat with no appetite. Goats communicate by bleating to each other and when they sense danger, they alert the herd…by sneezing. It’s true.
This Father’s Day, Council Bluffs will be hosting an attempt to set a world record for the largest game of catch. This is to take place at Tom Hanafan River’s Edge Park. Hopefully, by that time, the 55 goats will have devoured all four acres of weeds and moved on to greener pastures, leaving nothing unpleasant behind. Almost. But the thing about playing catch is, you’re always looking up at the ball and not paying attention to what you might be stepping in.