At a time when a recent poll reveals that Americans’ favorable view of the US Supreme Court has fallen to 54 percent, The Iowa Capital Dispatch reported last month that hundreds of criminal cases in Polk County are being prosecuted by “Mickey Mouse”, the “Easter Bunny” and “Santa Claus.”
As you might expect, when this became public, the situation caused some embarrassment for the county. After all, we expect the justice system to treat its responsibilities with the utmost seriousness and sobriety. We don’t want to see our tax dollars spent on prosecution of a robbery or murder case by some Disney character or a mythical grinning rabbit. How could this happen in Iowa?
Well, it turns out the county’s assistant attorney, Kaylie Gray needed to transfer many of her old cases and until the transfers became official, they were assigned to a “placeholder” name—the way police reports refer to an unidentified corpse as a “John Doe”. However, the fictitious names were meant to be seen only by attorneys, judges and others with special security clearance. But a clerical error has now given the public a glimpse into the lighter side (if we can call it that) of Polk County’s justice system.
Listing the prosecutor for a high-level fraud case as “Mickey Mouse” does not inspire confidence. Plus, it’s not exactly hilarious, either. Especially these days when so many do not seem to take the rule of law seriously. The January 6 Committee, for example, have been interviewing witnesses and collecting evidence in an attempt to get to the bottom of the insurrection at the Capital. With the fate of our democracy hanging in the balance, the committee have issued subpoenas only to astonishingly have them ignored. Who did these clowns think served them subpoenas anyway, Donald Duck?
Polk County’s practice of using fictious placeholding names goes back many years. Santa Claus was arrested in 1997 and sentenced to 999 years, convicted of felony burglary and kidnapping as well as assault on a police officer. But don’t worry, it wasn’t the real Santa, just a training exercise. (Still, the jolly old elf might consider suing them for slander.) Referring to unidentified prosecutors by comical names may be just for fun. Unless they are really code names for real prosecutors.
“Santa Claus” might be the court’s name for an easy-going, jovial prosecutor. “The Tooth Fairy” might be a ruthless bargainer known to offer defendants chump change but demanding their back teeth. “Cruella” never wins a case, but she can always make the defendant cry. “ET” quotes such obscure caselaw, the judge wonders what planet he’s from. “The Hulk” isn’t really a clever attorney but he shouts and pounds the table until the jury votes to convict.
Polk County might be amused by assigning criminal cases to cartoon characters but they run the risk of getting a conviction overturned for having a Mickey Mouse attorney.