“It is an occupational hazard that anyone who has spent her life learning how to lie eventually becomes bad at telling the truth,” Ally Carter, author of Heist Society.
I am writing this on April 1, the official holiday for practical jokes, misdirection, absurd exaggerations and outright lies. Not everybody appreciates April Fool’s Day or thinks it’s funny to be told, as they head out to work that they have four flat tires or discover only too late that some clown has stretched Glad plastic wrap over the toilet seat. This kind of humor can be cruel, embarrassing and admittedly comical—as long as the victim is quickly let in on the joke. On the other hand, sometimes telling the truth can be funny, too.
Take Kayla Lyon, director of the Iowa Department of Natural Resources. On March 21, Lyon was fishing on the Mississippi when a local conservation officer approached her to check her fishing license, not knowing who she was. It may have sounded like an April Fool’s joke but, to her amazement and profound embarrassment, the officer informed Lyon, of all people, that her fishing license had expired and the two paddlefish she had just caught made her guilty of poaching. “It was an honest mistake,” she sheepishly told the Des Moines Register, “but the laws apply to me just like anyone else.”
As the DNR director, Lyon could probably have avoided a fine (if she didn’t mind, uh, lyin’) but she insisted that the DNR law enforcement chief, Trace Kendig write her the $135 ticket. Lyon may now have to look forward to years of Christmas party jokes at her expense, but at least she has kept her integrity.
Recently, avid golfer and former part-time leader of the free world, Donald Trump
announced he hit a hole-in-one at his golf club in West Palm Beach, Florida. Trump is famous for several things—being rich, having weird hair and lying about practically everything. So prolific a liar he was, that the Washington Post kept a tally and reports that by the time he left office, Trump’s lies and misleading claims reached a staggering total of 30,573. He lied about all kinds of things: the size of his inauguration crowd, even claiming falsely that it didn’t rain that day, he lied, saying Hurricane Dorian struck Alabama and crudely doctored a weather map with a Sharpie—he even lies about his height. And now, he claims he made a hole-in-one?
“Many people are asking,” Trump wrote in a statement on his presidential letterhead, “so I’ll give it to you now, it is 100% true…. I made a hole-in-one.” It’s not so convincing when you have to express your honesty in percentages.
Former Sports Illustrator columnist Rick Reilly wrote a book entitled, Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump Reilly writes, “I liked him as a writer because he’s a crazy fabulist who tells lies so big they can float in the Macy’s parade.” He explains, “Trump insists he plays off a 2.8 handicap, while (Jack) Nicklaus, aged 79, admits his handicap is now 3.5.” He adds, “If Trump is a 2.8, Queen Elizabeth is a pole vaulter.”
Still, we know Trump is obsessed with golf. He invests in golf clubs (even though they lose money), he plays constantly. He’s probably pretty good at it. Given his reputation, it may be hard to believe, but what if this time, he is telling the truth? It’s like an April Fool’s joke that backfires. Trump’s hole-in-one may be his greatest single honest accomplishment…and nobody believes him.