Sometimes it’s hard to find a reason to feel good about yourself. You look in the mirror and think, “My nose is too big. I can’t dance. And every time I laugh, I snort like a pig.” But unlike a lot of glamorous celebrities, at least you take a shower every day.
It’s true. For some reason, a lot of famous people have been admitting lately that they can’t be bothered to take a bath. Handsome and charming actor Brad Pitt told “People” magazine he can’t seem to work personal hygiene into his schedule. He explained, “I got six kids…. Man, I’m getting peed on all day. I don’t have time to take a shower.”
Johnny Depp doesn’t have six kids, but he “…usually smells because he rarely showers,” according to somebody close to him (but probably not that close). Iowa native and actor Ashton Kutcher and his wife Mila Kunis offered their philosophy of bathing their children, sending shockwaves through the Internet. “If you can see dirt on them, clean them. Otherwise, there’s no point.”
“The Good Place” star Kristen Bell revealed on “The View” that she and husband Dax Shepherd do not have a regular schedule for bathing their kids. They “wait for the stink.” A former bodyguard for Julia Roberts claims the sweetheart of “Pretty Woman” doesn’t shower very often for environmental reasons. She “likes to save water,” he said. “She’s really green.” (Yeah, I’ll bet she’s green. Like fungus.) The bodyguard did not mention what drove him to resign.
In an interview with “Vanity Fair”, actor Jake Gyllenhaal suggested that too much bathing is bad for the skin. Besides, he said, “…we naturally clean ourselves.” (What does he think he is, a Roomba?)
Some celebrities were quick to disassociate themselves from Hollywood’s stinking rich. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, action star and gigantic former professional wrestler, points out that he not only takes three showers a day, but takes time to “exfoliate”. Jason Momoa told “Access Hollywood” he takes showers all the time. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’m Hawaiian. I’m Aquaman.”
Singer Rihanna has collected a number of video celebrity references who all freely testify to how good she smells.
The concept of bathing has changed throughout history. In Ancient Rome, those who could afford it used the public baths. Imagine getting into a bath with 100 other people and running into somebody you know. “So nice to, um, see you.”
Louis XIV, the 17th-Century king of France took only three baths in his entire life, each on the advice of his doctor for treating his convulsions. (The doctor probably conducted Louis’ checkups by mail.) Medieval Benedictine monks took four baths a year: one on Easter, one in June, one in September and one on Christmas.
When the Pilgrims arrived on the Mayflower, they must have smelled pretty ripe. Squanto, the Patuxet nation native who taught them how to plant corn and got them through their first lean winter tried to be diplomatic about it but could not persuade the Pilgrims to take a bath once in a while.
So, by this time you’re probably feeling pretty positive about yourself and your regular bathing habits. But could you get your friends and colleagues to put together a video saying how nice you smell?