It’s been dry in Iowa lately. How dry is it? It’s so dry, the fish are getting fleas. It’s so dry, dogs are marking their territories with chalk lines. It’s so dry, parks are encouraging people to pee in the pool. It’s so dry this autumn, that when leaves fall, they shatter like glass.
And hot? It’s been so hot that birds have to use pot holders to get worms out of the ground. It’s been so hot and dry in our neighborhood that grass coming out of my lawnmower sticks into the fence like porcupine quills.
I’m telling you, it’s been dry. In fact, State Climatologist Justin Glisan reports that rainfall for September was…well, there wasn’t any. “This is the driest September in 152 years of records for the state,” Glisan told station KQWC in Webster City. And, he said, it was one of the top ten warmest Septembers, “About three degrees above the average….”
Georgia Rep. Margorie Taylor Greene informs us Democrats are creating hurricanes to pound Republican districts. Iowa is a fairly red state. Maybe we don’t rate our own hurricane, but couldn’t those Democrat weather demons send a few rain clouds our way?
Actually, I’m afraid we’re getting spoiled in Iowa. We have a long and respected reputation for having terrible weather. Only the brave or the truly crazy would want to live here. For many years, Iowans have relied on our bad weather to keep tourists away. We’re “The Flyover State”. Travelers make sure to fill their tanks before crossing our borders to guarantee they don’t ever have to get out of their cars and be assaulted by our weather. The very word “blizzard” first appeared in 1870 in the Estherville newspaper, The Northern Vindicator (what a name!) to describe a terrible Iowa snowstorm.
But now, what do we have to show for ourselves? It is sad to say that there are Iowa children today who have never experienced one of our blinding, bone-chilling blizzards. This year, I finally gave away our giant, two-stage Airens snowblower because I couldn’t justify giving it space in the garage just for dusting off two or three puny snows every winter. The words “Iowa winter” used to strike terror into the hearts of out-of-staters. But now, we’ve become a meteorological boogieman, a tall tale to scare children when the truth is, Iowa has turned, you know, pleasant. “Iowa Nice” used to refer just to Iowans. Now it also describes our climate. Sooner or later, the word is bound to get out and there will be no stopping the invasion of Florida tourists, coming to Iowa to get in on our nice weather.
Yes, it has been unusually warm and dry lately. So what are we complaining about? Here it is, the middle of October and we’re walking around in shorts and t-shirts. No raincoats, no hats or gloves. Will trick-or-treaters have to pack their chocolate in ice this Halloween to keep it from melting in the heat? If nothing else, Iowans are adaptable