They say nobody can push your buttons like your family. Take David Carpenter of Burlington. On Aug. 11, he pulled out a gun and shot his own father in the face. Miraculously, William Carpenter did not sustain life-threatening injuries and he’s going to be okay. But what started this horrific incident? Apparently, William claimed his son had stinky feet. Okay, it was probably embarrassing for David to be accused of having smelly feet, but now he’s in jail on charges of attempted murder and child endangerment (his two underage children were home at the time). If you’re thinking there must be more to this story, you’d be right.
On June 15, 1859, on San Juan Island, between the US mainland and Vancouver Island, American farmer Lyman Cutlar found a British-owned black boar eating his potatoes. And he shot it dead. The incident was reported to American authorities who dispatched none other than Captain George Pickett (later a distinguished Confederate general during the Civil War) along with a few troops. It seems, possession of the land had been a point of contention for some time. Picket now brazenly claimed ownership of the whole island for the US. The British responded with a fleet of heavily armed ships. The Pig War, which was never really about the pig, ended in a bloodless stalemate. Unless you count the pig.
In 1828, riots over a military coup erupted in Mexico City and looters broke into the small pastry shop of a French chef named Remontel and helped themselves to some treats. His complaint to government officials was ignored until ten years later when it came to the attention of King Louis-Phillippe. The king demanded compensation for Remontel to the tune of 600,000 pesos, a princely sum for a few doughnuts. When Mexico refused, the French blockaded the city of Veracruz, some minor battles ensued and in the end 250 soldiers died. Of course, The Pastry War was only an excuse for Louis-Phillippe to force Mexico to pay back the millions in loans it owed France. Mexico had no choice but to repay the loans…and 600,000 pesos to the patient pastry chef.
The police report states that William Carpenter and his son “argued” over David’s stinky feet. I don’t see what there would be to argue about. Either his feet stink or they don’t. Or maybe the argument was about just how stinky his feet were. Or maybe he misunderstood and his father said he had “dinky” feet. We’ll never know. What we do know is that at one point, David ran into the back room and returned holding a gun behind his back. The argument continued, with William sitting on a little motorized mobility scooter, whereupon David, exploiting the element of surprise, whipped out the hidden gun and pointed at his dad. David told the police that in all the excitement, he accidently pulled the trigger.
Some keen observers might look at this situation from head to, um toe and point out that David is a 48-year-old unemployed free-loader who refuses to move out on his own and his stinky feet were only the final straw. And, yes, this is a rough patch for the Carpenters—what with the shooting and the murder charge. But after they resolve their living situation, someday, they can look back on this incident and all have a good laugh.