Donald Trump won the debate without even trying. While Joe Biden struggled to recite reams of facts, Trump ignored facts, made up facts, made a complete mockery of facts. Biden looked feeble and unsure of himself while Trump looked confident that his fabrications were going over well with his special followers. And, of course, the reason Trump was not troubled by all those fussy questions about unemployment and immigration and health care is because he wasn’t even thinking about that stuff. He was secretly thinking about sharks.
It’s a matter of priority. You find yourself on a little boat with hungry sharks circling around you. Maybe the boat is electric. Maybe not. When it starts to sink and the sharks close in, your first thoughts are not about military aid to Ukraine.
In July 2007 when Trump had managed to lure adult film star Stormy Daniels into his hotel room (while his wife and new baby were waiting for him at home) was he thinking about what a lucky rascal he was? No, he was thinking about sharks and, wearing his silk pajamas, made Stormy watch an hour of Shark Week with him. He told her he hated sharks and hoped all sharks would die. Before the Trump Taj Mahal went bankrupt, its Dynasty restaurant served shark fin soup, ironically, enlisting Donald’s guests into eating his sharks for him.
I’m not suggesting Mr. Trump doesn’t know a lot about sharks. This month, for example, he informed his audience at a rally that lakes are good because they are not full of sharks. (Who knew?) But when he repeatedly argues that electrocution is preferable to being eaten by sharks, I question whether he has really thought this through. After all, a great white shark grows to 21 feet long and tips the scales at 4,000 pounds. If one of these bad boys decided to eat you, it would be over quickly.
Wouldn’t it be worse to be eaten, for example, by a beaver—I mean, if beavers were carnivores? Or how about mosquitos? According to the Appalachian Mountain Club, it would take between 200,000 to 2 million mosquito bites for a human to die of blood loss. How long would that take? I don’t know but longer than a shark bite. Or how would Trump like to be eaten by gold fish—just nibble, nibble, nibble—for weeks!
There are a lot worse ways to die that being eaten by sharks. When I asked the artificial intelligence app chatgtp to list 15 horrible ways to die, they got all wimpy and compassionate, saying, “While discussing ways to die can be morbid and distressing, it’s important to approach such topics with sensitivity. Here are 15 historically or commonly considered horrible ways to die, emphasizing that each involves significant suffering or fear:”
Really? Did AI care so much about human feelings when they decided to TAKE AWAY OUR JOBS? Did they approach our “significant suffering” with “sensitivity?” Or did they just gobble us down without a second thought? I don’t know about Donald Trump, but if I had to choose between getting attacked by hungry sharks or AI, I’ll take the sharks every time.
Living in Iowa: There’s no debate—sharks aren’t that bad
July 4, 2024