As the dregs of the last surviving bills drip through Iowa’s second legislative funnel, it’s a comfort to know our elected officials are looking out for us.
Among the session’s bills that survived is the provision to buy weapons for teachers. This seems particularly thoughtful since, according to the Department of Education, 94 percent of elementary school teachers have to spend an average of $500-$700 a year on pencils, paper, glue, tissues and snacks for their classes out of their own pocket, leaving precious little leftover for guns. (This year, the bill to raise teachers’ salaries was voted down.)
Also included in the provision is money for weapons training. As a person who grew up with guns, I am a bit concerned about how they intend to prepare a new gun user for shooting at a human being. Teachers are generally nice, helpful people who patiently show baffled children how to do long division and diagram sentences. Killing terrorists is not in their lesson plan. (Except for my sixth-grade grammar teacher. If she’d had a gun, I would not be here today.) And even if the teacher is a hunter, nothing could prepare them for exchanging gunfire with a terrorist. Rabbits don’t shoot back.
One provision that did not make the cut this year is Governor Reynold’s bill that assigns definitions to “man”, “woman” and “sex”. So, for anybody out there who doesn’t already have a working knowledge of these things, now it looks like they never will.
House File 669/Senate Study Bill 3102 has survived despite a strange addition. The bill would allow landlords to include illegal provisions in their leases as long as they don’t enforce them. This sounds crazy. What could that be good for? Well, it would be good for frightening tenants. For example, one condition of the lease might be if a tenant is three days late on the rent, the landlord gets to sell the apartment’s contents at auction and keep the security deposit. Or the landlord could have a Rumpelstiltskin Clause that if a check bounces, the landlord is entitled to the tenant’s first-born child. Sure, tenants, who are probably already strapped for cash could hire a lawyer and challenge the lease in court. But would they? When even illegal conditions are included in a legal-looking document, the effect might be just as coercive.
Another bill that failed to make it through both the House and Senate is a provision outlawing traffic enforcement cameras. As hated as these are, traffic cameras are geese that keep laying golden eggs. They don’t require police cars and flashing lights, tickets or arguing before a judge. They send you the speeding ticket and you pay it. Ka-ching!
This has nothing to do with the funnel but last week a Burlington woman received a message from her security camera that there was movement on her porch. When she checked the video, she saw a very strange woman starting a fire on her deck. The fire department arrived quickly and extinguished the blaze before it got out of hand. Personally, I’m impressed that the home owner actually checked her camera message. When I used to check mine, it was always nothing but the neighborhood cat or a sudden breeze that shook a tree branch. The arsonist was arrested for reckless use of fire and drug paraphernalia. Her mug shot looked like she was baked out of her mind. Which is why I am not revealing her name. I never check my camera messages and my porch isn’t fireproof.
Living in Iowa: What’s in laws and sausages? Don’t ask
March 28, 2024