Early this month, Carroll County Sheriff Ken Pingrey arrested Jerry Lee Webb Jr. of Glidden, Iowa who, according to numerous complaints, was seen openly carrying a tactical 12-guage shotgun with a 9mm handgun in his backpack. It turns out Webb was not detained for appearing to be armed and dangerous—that’s perfectly fine in Iowa. He was arrested for a non-related no-contact violation. Sheriff Pingrey noted, “It is, however, extremely stupid to walk around town carrying firearms in this fashion.”
In fact, “stupid but legal” is a pretty big category. Did you know, for example, that you can legally own a pet monkey in Iowa? Of course, when it grows up, if it turns wild and eats your face off—that’s on you. And speaking of eating, Iowans are allowed to eat dead animals we might find along the road. Regardless of its fleas, tics, diseases or bad smells, you are allowed (but not encouraged) to eat roadkill. Bon appetite!
While Iowans are not allowed to commit murder, we can legally bury loved ones (even not so loved ones) in our backyard. Of course, nosey neighbors might talk about you behind your back and it will be hard to get grass to grow over that coffin-shaped hole. But think of the money you’ll save!
Surprisingly, it is perfectly legal in Iowa to operate a motor vehicle without any clothes on. However, the state does frown on driving without shoes. But if you’re driving naked, take care not to get in or out of the car in public where someone might see you and complain (or cheer). Also, you are allowed to sleep in your vehicle as long as it’s not in a restricted location like Wal-Mart. And if you try sleeping naked in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you are almost guaranteed to appear on TikTok.
If you get pulled over at, for example, a roadblock, you are not obligated to answer the police officer’s questions. And, if you’re a complete idiot you can even legally flip him off. But you might end up waiting there a long time while he examines your license, registration and tail lights.
It is not illegal in Iowa to leave a young child unattended in a parked car. But it could get warm in the sun and the kid could get thirsty and drink the espresso in the cupholder and scribble on the seats and headliner with your lipstick. Also, if the child is still in diapers…well, you’ll know better next time.
You are legally allowed to wear a spaghetti strainer on your head for your DMV photo. Several people have already gotten away with this, claiming they are devout followers of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But just remember, whenever you are asked to show your ID to police, liquor store clerks, loan officers or at a job interview, your credibility as an intelligent, responsible adult will be called into question.
While it is not technically illegal (or even possible) to lick your own elbow, attempting to do so will inevitably make you look stupid. (Be honest: I know you’re trying it right now.)
Living in Iowa: Things you should know that are legal but stupid
November 16, 2023