Who knew that Donald Trump was such a big fan of Iowa football? The game between old rivals Iowa State and University of Iowa is always a barn burner which is why Trump’s fellow Iowa football fanatics Ron DeSantis, Asa Hutchinson and Vivek “Ra! Ra!” Ramaswamy also wouldn’t miss it for the world. And while they’re in town for the game, they might try to work in a little presidential campaigning.
Trump has visited Iowa four times this summer, including an appearance at the Iowa State Fair. The old Floridian just can’t get enough of the Hawkeye State. Sure, I know he’s got a pretty full schedule these days—what with juggling four federal indictments, including 91 felony charges, a bunch of civil suits and some truly staggering legal bills. But Iowa is the one place Trump can go to take a load off and forget about the practically inevitable prison sentence and crushing debt. So, while he’s in the state, Trump should stay a while and experience more of what Iowa has to offer.
As an Iowa sports fan, Trump should visit the Field of Dreams baseball diamond in Dyersville, inspired by the story about a bunch of dead guys who come back to life in a corn field, reminding us they were once popular. It could happen. Everybody needs a dream.
Then there’s Snake Alley in Burlington, once recognized by Ripley’s Believe It or Not as the “Crookedest Street in the World.” (Of course, it probably doesn’t compare to Mar-a-Lago.)
I believe the former president would get a kick out of the “Squirrel Cage Jail” in Council Bluffs. Built in 1885, this technological curiosity consists of circular, rotating cells that allowed only one cell to open at a time. They look like big iron hamster wheels. The jail was eventually abandoned because the hand cranked mechanism frequently stuck, trapping the inmates inside. Thinking about this creaky, slowly grinding cage might help Trump fall asleep at night—like counting sheep.
And how about the National Hobo Museum in Britt? The museum honors the history of Depression Era homeless people who rode the rails and ate beans right out of the can. It features audio recordings, walking sticks and genuine hobo-made arts and crafts. I’m not saying Mr. Trump qualifies. Not yet. But while he’s there, he could fill out an application for the annual Hobo King award. There’s no shame. Nobody calls them “bums” anymore.
I think the twice-impeached potus could really benefit from a visit to the Grotto of the Redemption in West Bend. Painstakingly built over the course of many years by Father Paul Matthias Dobberstein out of tons of artistically placed rocks, it is like an act of contrition in stone, a monument to the fall of man and the search for repentance. It’s never too late to say you’re sorry, Mr. President. (Well, yes. It kind of is.)
And finally, there is the Fenelon Place Elevator in Dubuque to bring Trump back full circle. It may lack the pomp and circumstance of the Trump Tower escalator where he began his political debut in 2015, but the old cable car has the distinction of being called, “the world’s steepest, shortest scenic railway”. He might enjoy the 296-foot ride straight up. But from there, there’s no place to go but 296 feet straight down. And, sorry Mr. President, they won’t take your credit cards. It’s cash only.