It sounded like one of those heart-warming Disney animal movies. Last month, there was a news story from Marshalltown, about Blossom, the lonely goose whose domestic partner, Bud had been sadly killed (and presumably eaten) by some unspecified wild predator. Blossom lives in Marshalltown’s Riverside Cemetery—which is already sad enough. But when workers at the cemetery observed Blossom’s “behavior change” after Bud’s untimely ingestion, they decided to place a personal ad in Facebook for a new boyfriend (goosefriend?).
“I’m youthful, adventurous and lively,” read Blossom’s ad. “And I’ve been told I’m beautiful.” Alluring, with just the right blend of modesty. To help seal the deal (right out of Disney’s playbook), there was a photo of Blossom, forlorn and desolate, staring at her own reflection in a polished granite gravestone (Aw-w-w-w!).
Blossom’s ad must have set some feathered heartstrings aflutter because it was only three days later that a prospective suitor responded. Frankie, a “lonely, widowed” male goose whose family moved out of state and whose own partner had died…okay, probably also eaten. (Geese are tasty—it’s one of those hard facts of life Disney won’t tell you.) Now, evidently Frankie was ready to make a new start with Blossom and waddle off into the sunset together.
Frankie arrived at Riverside Cemetery—get this—on Valentine’s Day. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. I know they’re only geese, but, come on, this is so sweet! The Facebook account of Blossom’s introduction to her new gentleman caller reports that it went very well. “She was excited and flapped her wings and called out.” (Woo Hoo! So much for acting hard to get!) Frankie, for his part, was a bit more cautious, but soon proved his intensions were honorable and the pair have been inseparable ever since.
But not everybody is eager to celebrate the love and happiness of geese. One fall, I was talking with a famer in Mount Vernon when a flock of geese flew overhead. I remarked how beautiful they were. He grumbled something under his breath about giant feathered locusts. A few seconds later, we watched as the birds settled on a section of his field and began devouring his soybeans.
Not only do Canada geese eat a lot, but they have another defining characteristic. Dan Hicks, the director of parks operations in Moncton, New Brunswick noted that a goose will poop several times an hour, up to 20 times a day. That means, it doesn’t take long for a couple dozen geese to make a real mess. Hicks quipped, “You see people doing the Canada goose two-step around the park trails.”
Cedar Rapids has an ongoing battle with goose poo. They have tried numerous techniques for keeping their parks clean, including employing a remote-controlled robot that looks like a vicious, toothy, cartoon dog with wheels and pontoons, designed to frighten geese. The “Goosenator” was evidently fun to use but had little effect on the geese. Some even tried to capitalize on the city’s goose poo problem. In 2019, the Professional Disk Golf Association held a tournament in Cedar Rapids, billed as the “Goose Poop Open”. The entry fee was $55 and, um, wear boots.
Researcher for the University of Iowa’s Center for Health Effects of Environmental Contamination, Chris Jones argues that although it’s true a lot of goose poo lands in Iowa’s lakes, the state has only about 100,000 Canada geese and 25 million hogs—which are ten times bigger than geese. Still geese are blamed for the majority of the pollution.
“The day pigs fly,” Jones said, “will be the day Ag quits blaming their pollution on geese.”
Living in Iowa: Learn to love geese? When pigs fly
March 23, 2023