Recently, I heard an interview on the radio where a man downplayed in the importance of fathers in the lives of children. I was appalled at his indifference to the role that fathers play in their children’s lives. He basically said that there was no impact either way on a child if the father was present in the home or not.
I beg to disagree. A recent study done by the University of Texas at Austin shows the powerful effect on children who have fathers who are involved in their lives. According to the study, kids who grow up with involved fathers are:
• 39% more likely to earn good grades in school
• 45% less likely to repeat a grade
• 60% less likely to be suspended or expelled from school
• Twice as likely to go to college and find stable employment after high school
• 75% less likely to have a teen birth
• 80% less likely to spend time in jail
Of course I don’t believe that only fathers can impact children; I know that mothers also have a powerful role in their children’s lives. Both parents should be committed to nurturing and raising their children and helping them to grow into the adults they need to be for the future that is before them.
My husband has been very involved in our daughters’ lives. My own father spent time with me and my siblings and taught me the values and character traits that would shape my life. One in particular was honesty and he taught it to me in a way that I would never forget.
As a young girl, our family would regularly visit a woman name Trudy and her invalid mother that we knew through church. I didn’t know the term “hoarding” then, but now I understand that they had a problem with this. We kids didn’t enjoy these visits because it was difficult to find a place to sit, the house smelled, and we didn’t know what to say during the visits. But my parents were teaching us that we are all children of God and we all need to be shown love and compassion.
During one of these visits, I spotted a package of Space Dust….the newest candy craze among 10-year-olds. You sprinkled the contents on your tongue and felt it crackle and fizz as it reacted to the moisture and then enjoyed the sweet taste before pouring more on your tongue. I loved Space Dust, but never seemed to be able to make mine last or have another 25 cents to buy a new package.
Because Trudy had so many things piled all over her house, I figured she wouldn’t notice if I took the Space Dust to enjoy later at home in the locked bathroom. I strategically took it and folded my arms with it hidden next to my body. I kept my arms folded the rest of the visit so that it wouldn’t slip out and so that no one else would see it.
When it was time to go home, I carefully stood up with my arms still folded and somehow got into the car without letting the Space Dust slip from my side. We drove home with my arms securely folded, but when we got home and it was time to get out of the car, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get out keeping my arms folded. I decided to stay in the back seat until everyone went into the house and then maneuver myself out without having to worry about dropping the Space Dust.
My dad realized that something was awry and decided to stay in the car with me. Of course this frustrated me and my plan to get into the house unnoticed. He started asking me what was going on and why I was keeping my arms folded. I tried giving other answers….all lies. Finally, I told him the truth. He didn’t yell at me or tell me I was in a lot of trouble. He simply asked me why I did it. My meager explanation was that I wanted it and that I didn’t think they would notice it was missing with how much stuff they had in their house.
And then he asked the most profound question of all: “But is it yours, Sherene?” And because the answer was no, this meant that I had stolen the Space Dust. It didn’t matter that it only cost 25 cents or that they wouldn’t notice it was missing or that we regularly went over to visit them and therefore I thought that in some skewed way I had “earned” the right to take it. The bottom line was that it wasn’t mine and that I had stolen it.
My dad quickly went into the house and told my mom that we were going to be gone for a short time and he drove me back over to the house. Trudy was surprised to see us and thought that perhaps we had forgotten something. My dad told her that I had something to tell her. It was incredibly hard, but I told her that I had taken the Space Dust and had come to return it. It was an uncomfortable moment for everyone and Trudy said it was all right and that I could keep it, but I knew that it wasn’t right and handed it back to her.
We said our goodbyes and got back in the car. It was a quiet drive home and I felt just awful. To my dad’s credit, when we got home, he didn’t say anything to anyone about where we had been or what had happened. Trudy never brought it up on any of our subsequent visits. I’m sure the whole event has been forgotten with time. But I have never forgotten it and have always striven to live with integrity.
Are fathers important to their children’s lives? Absolutely! It would be cavalier to think that children could just learn all they need to know about life on their own. Admittedly, I have learned many things from my daughters, but my husband and I know it is our duty as their parents to love, nurture, and teach them to be the best they can be. I’m grateful for parents who were there for me to help me develop a moral code and learn to be kind to others.