We seem to be in an era of single-issue politics. The Constitution Party doesn’t want to hear about anything unless it has to do with the Constitution. The US Marijuana Party is convinced that all the world’s problems can be solved with some weed (and maybe a box of Oreos). For some people, the only thing that matters are guns or global warming or the price of gas. For our dog Argos, it’s chicken.
Argos is an intelligent, but uncomplicated greyhound. He runs like the wind, but only when the mood strikes him. Despite our tireless encouragement, he is indifferent to dog toys. He will go on walks but when he gets bored, he suddenly flops down and the 70-pounds of stubborn muscle becomes riveted to the sidewalk. Argos can be soundly sleeping (which is how he spends most of the day), but if we open the refrigerator and it contains any amount of chicken, he will instantly appear with his head in the door and his tongue dripping on the linoleum.
I blame myself. I only wanted him to like us. So I thought, why not give him a special treat? All his life as a racer, Argos had been fed dry dog food. He ate it. He liked it. Dry dog food was all he knew. But one day when I dropped a scrap of rotisserie chicken in his bowl, the heavens parted and his world changed. At first, he sniffed the foreign substance, confused, suspicious. He licked the chicken tentatively. Then all the lights came on. In an instant, Argos understood his purpose in life. Chicken!
Argos still likes to be petted, but now only as a prelude to chicken. He has figured out that there are certain things we want him to do—like lie down or go outside to play. But now, any interaction between us is transactional and is expected to be rewarded with chicken. Argos has become a one-issue dog.
There is a lot of that going around these days. Some voters don’t care what else happens as long as there is no federal income tax. Libertarians want to starve out government altogether. The Green Party thinks saving the planet is the most important thing (can you imagine?). For others it’s private school vouchers, abortion, affordable housing or the rights of the elderly. Who cares about the pandemic—what about Hillary’s emails? Why are we wasting time prosecuting insurrectionists when what really matters is fighting inflation?
Special interest groups don’t usually last very long. The Prohibition Party fizzled out after Prohibition was repealed. It wasn’t much fun anyway. The American Vegetarian Party got some traction during World War Two when meat was rationed. But after the war, nobody wanted to vote for beans and Brussel sprouts anymore. Former escort, Fiona Patten started the Australian Sex Party and even won a seat in parliament. The Sex Party later merged with the Australian Cyclist Party and changed their name to the Reason Party—as if any reason was needed.
Special interest groups act as if they only want one thing, but if they were to get it, they’d probably want something else. Giving Argos chicken only makes him crazy and sends him searching every corner of the house for more chicken. Sometimes I think it’s not even the chicken that drives him, but like that fake rabbit he once chased as a racer, it is the anticipation of the unattainable reward that keeps him going.