Recently, I was visiting the national animal research center in Ames. When I stopped at the security gate, the guard asked if I was carrying any firearms. “No,” I said, somewhat taken aback. Was I supposed to bring firearms? Nobody told me.
This is the world we live in now. It’s like movies set in the Old West when cowboys are required to leave their six-shooters at the door before entering the saloon. And when a cowboy claims he doesn’t have a gun, they act like he’s got a disease. They’re like, “Seriously? No gun? You’re not from around here, are you?”
Now the Hy-Vee grocery store in Iowa City where I shop has hired armed security guards and some customers are complaining.
“I feel more unsafe than I did before,” Eldon Sohek told the Iowa City Press Citizen. “When you see something on him like a bulletproof vest, it more scares me and I think it scares a lot more people.”
The guards carry a Taser, a loaded pistol and other gear. They wear black uniforms, sort of like those worn by SWAT teams, only with colorful shoulder patches, identifying them as Hy-Vee security. Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is about armed grocery store guards. I mean, why should the guards be any different? Isn’t just about everybody else in the store already packing heat?
Last year, Iowa discontinued its permit requirement for carrying a concealed firearm within the city limits. There are restrictions. You have to be old enough, not addicted to alcohol, not convicted of a serious aggravated misdemeanor in the past three years and not considered likely to use a weapon unlawfully. It appears the application is mostly on the honor system. Basically, if you’re over 21 with a pulse, you’re good to go.
In general, I don’t see the purpose of carrying a concealed weapon. If you want to get instant respect, you should carry a crossbow or one of those huge broadswords the Vikings had. Then, watch crowds part before you! Or how about a big, spikey mace and a full set of armor? On second thought, this is starting to sound like a lot of work.
The Hy-Vee guards don’t bother anybody. I see them wandering around the store, smiling, chatting with customers, maybe a little bored. They seem nice. I don’t think they would really shoot you… unless you deserved it. Having armed security in a grocery store might have a calming effect on some customers. “Bell peppers for $2? That’s robbery! Um, I mean, I’m a little surprised. But I’m totally fine with it, officer. Actually, I’m happy to pay extra for good quality. See? I’m buying five of them. I’m going now.”
Let’s face it, grocery prices are high enough and it’s expensive to hire security guards. Hy-Vee might copy the Blue Mountain School District in Pennsylvania that has provided every classroom with a five-gallon bucket of river rocks as a defense against an active shooter. But I’m not convinced this would be very practical. I’m guessing if there ever was a gunman at the school, students would just use that as an opportunity to get the math teacher.